Anything Could Happen

It is winter break, the grade reports have been released, and I am home. This break could have not been more necessary than turkey on Thanksgiving. It needed to happen and I am glad that it did. The semester of non-stop working (whether in the Art Building or in Admissions) had worn me down to a small nub of a person. I had no social life, no will to continue on with school work, and definitely a lack of patience the closer it got to the end of the semester. On top of that I got mostly B's this semester and that did not help my GPA at all. I realize that there was more I could have done for a couple of my classes that would have gave them the grade boost I needed but at the time I decided against doing what I know I should have done for sleep and a social life. For instance in Theatre History 1, I could have easily read the plays that we were supposed to and got better grades on the quizzes for them. I also could have perhaps worked more on my final paper and presentation for Theatre History 1, that definitely wouldn't have been a bad idea. For Intro to Computer Graphics I could have thought more about the tape I was using for the final presentation and gotten a much better grade than I did. As for Painting I, I would be surprised if more than two people got an A in that class. I worked so hard for that class until I just could not stand seeing the paintings anymore. Regardless of my final grades, I learned so much this semester and probably have received some of the best education that I could possibly imagine from Sterling College. Also, I remind myself that there is always next semester. Hopefully, next semester will be easier as well, that wouldn't hurt my feelings.
This was a semester filled with fun, friends, and soul searching. The fun more so towards the beginning of the semester, friends making a tighter bond at the end of the semester, and soul searching throughout. For the better part of the semester, when I had no social life really, there was a lot of life questions running through my head mostly about the friends I had made at Sterling and how none of them had really cared about me and through God's grace I found that more people than I thought truly did care about me. I finally found friends who will text me occasionally just to see how things are doing and to hang out. The sensation is overwhelming to say the least. Something I have searched for practically my whole life is finally panning out before my eyes. It is great to finally know that I have friends that I can turn to about pretty much anything going on in my life. This is where I end by saying that anything could happen in my life right now and it looks to me that it is going to be a bright future someday.

School: An Update

This school year so far has been ridiculously busy for me. I am not so much here to complain about that because I wouldn't want it any other way even when sometimes I feel it is too much and I become overwhelmed with it all. I am only taking 16 credit hours but 4 of my 6 classes are time intensive and I find myself completing various bits of homework throughout the day and well into the night during most of my typical week. This homework usually places me in the Art & Design building until the wee hours of the morning. Either I am painting or working on my computer graphics homework. I much prefer the homework I am receiving from my computer graphics class well over my painting class because it is something I can do well and in a considerably faster period of time while also not messing up my clothes and getting paint on them! Good thing I have stain remover ;) haha Painting has been a struggle for me and has presented me with a lot of various issues. Mostly it has been about finding the time and being willing to complete the painting even though I do not enjoy painting. It is not my particular area of art and I get it all over myself. I will say though I can now build a canvas on my own. That is pretty neat. Also, I am really excited for this next painting. We are working with indirect painting methods and glazing techniques. This style of painting actually interests me and I cannot wait to see how my cow skull turns out. In my computer graphics class, we are working on a false reality. I finally get to learn how to make places like they do on film sets! It is great to be able to see this process and work on a place that I can call my very own.
I, also, am working double time in Admissions this year as a telecounselor and ambassador! So far both have been going great. I have had great conversations with some people interested in Sterling and that is somewhat surprising for it being this early in the school year. On top of my jobs in Admissions, I am working in the Costume Shop at the theatre to complete my Costume/Makeup Lab. That has been interesting and has led to many interesting surprises. Not all of them pleasant as I have stumbled upon many boxes full of pretty much mold. There have been about 7 or 8 loads  of  "hats" already taken out of the Closet to Nowhere and there is still about two-thirds of that floor to complete. It has been a time consuming task but I am seeing results and it is comforting to know I am helping my theatre becoming what it needs to be - professional not just a hoard. As Megan always says, "if it isn't functional, get rid of it." We obviously cannot keep everything ever! That is just absurd. So it is nice to finally see change coming all around in that theatre.
While I received a lot of rejection at the beginning of this year and am still dealing with some of it on my own, I am very happy with the way that this school year is going so far and I cannot wait to see what my future holds. Maybe someday soon I can find the alusive "best friend" and even more so alusive "girlfriend" that have been just out of my reach for so long. Only time can tell.

The Question of Friendship.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what constitutes a best friend. I have never felt like I have had one since I was a kid and back then the meaning of a best friend was different. A best friend from childhood typically lives in the same neighborhood and plays games with you. They don't necessarily have any attachment to you or you to them, just another kid to play with that you see the most. In middle school, my childhood best friend moved away and we went down completely different tracks in life and I could never find a replacement or someone that I thought was treating me like their best friend. I mean, sure, I had friends that I spent a lot of time with and we have lots of fun but most of those friends are girls and it is a lot different to have another guy to talk to then a bunch of girls. Since college has started I met a lot of great guys that I could see being my best friend but it seems we will only ever be just friends. In this sense it seems like I am searching for a relationship and just like I can't find that one girl I want to date, I can't seem to find that guy to call my best friend. Maybe I am looking in all the wrong places or maybe I am overlooking someone who considers me their best friend. It just seems like I try so hard and I give 100% to all my friends in some sort of hope to have that connection with that one person. A person I can tell everything to and they can tell me everything to. But really what am I looking for in a best friend... someone who texts me, invites me to events, is interested in my life, loves the same things, or even just simply wants to hang out? How about all of the above...

People never text me, granted I never really text people either and it is a little one-sided of me to expect them to text me and I never text them but if they text me often, I will know to text them more than never.

It always seems for events and that sort of matter I am usually never thought of and hear about all the fun things that people did without me the next day. The days that I am remembered, it is more along the lines of, "Ohhhhhhh yeahhhhh you can come to..... I guess." It almost seems as though I am the pity invite of groups everywhere. Last year I got to a point where there was a group but they have seemingly gone without me for awhile now.

For interested in my life,  I mean I have plenty of friends who know the basic stuff about me and not much more. I want that one friend who wants to know everything about me and wants to share that bond of knowledge. I don't think there has been one friend in my life that knows more about me than anyone else. On the same sort of note, if we had a lot in common that would only add to the friendship. I have never been able to share all of my interests with one person and have something major in common.

The final part is hanging out. Not just some of the times that they hang out with people will they choose me. I want to be someone's number one choice. Right now it seems I am no one's choice but am simply an addition to who they really want to hang out with.

The weirdest thing about compiling all of this and writing it out made me realize this is also what I expect of a girlfriend, certain things excluded of course. Maybe I have too high of expectations. I just hope that I find someone (of the male gender) to call my best friend (already have the girls covered well over). I also wouldn't mind a girlfriend....

YouTube & Oppurtunity

YouTube has informed me that two of my videos are apparently not up for monetization because they are questionable if they are mine. I am not sure how I am suppose to support the fact that they are completely and 100% mine. They don't even contain anything remotely questionable. They came straight from the device I recorded them on to my computer. They contain nothing from a movie or television show. They contain no music (of any sort). They contain no graphics or pictures. They definitely don't contain anything about a video game or anything along those lines. It is just strange how they ever questioned them in the first place. Now, I am waiting on YouTube to see if they will change their minds about my channel's videos. If  you, the reader, would like to check these videos (The BWP - Campus High Thespian Edition & Kacie Being Creepy)  and tell me what you think or any of my other videos, here is my URL: http://www.youtube.com/user/codegreen04

On a completely different note, I was just called by my Sunday School teacher and I was asked to teach the class for when he will be gone (next Sunday). I am just so unsure about this offer. I have no confidence in my teaching ability or even my ability to lead a simple discussion. The reason he said that he called me was because he was looking for a reliable person who is on time and comes on a weekly basis. While I am all of those things, I still don't even have the book that we are discussing in class, Forgotten God by Francis Chan. I just don't know what to do.

Finally Done!

It may have taken close to a period of two years but I finally got all the letters done! Reading through some of the older ones I already see how much things have changed. I also feel like rewriting some of them but for now I will leave them alone. Maybe I will get around to doing them all over again haha (just not anytime soon).

Letter 30

Dear Reflection,




While your family is hectic and everything might seem like it is going against you, just remember that you have some awesome friends and God on your side. You are a bright, young man who is putting his life together. Things that people say are insignificant to the things that you can do in life so don't give up and just keep getting better. Life will work out all its kinks. Continue growing in your trust with God and don't give up the battle. Only three more years of college and into the real life you are thrown but don't be petrified I am sure that by the point that happens you will have figured out what the heck you will want to do with your college major..... Also, somewhere in the future can we work in a relationship and maybe a marriage with children. That would be nice, sometimes I am too lonely for my own good.

Letter 29

I don't have anyone that I am too afraid to tell everything to. If they are in my lives, I trust them with the knowledge of whatever comes my way. As soon as that trust is broken, they are gone.

Letter 28

Dear Life-Changer,





You may be from California while I am from Kansas. You may be several years older than me but you still talked to me. You may have graduated but you lived down the hall from me. You may be tall and I a lot shorter. Even with all those differences I have never met someone that has impacted my life more than you in such a short period. I felt like I could come to you about absolutely anything and it wouldn't be told to another human being. Then to find out that we are practically the same was even better for me. I found a role model. Everything you figured out about life, I wanted to know and you were always there when I had questions.




Thanks! I hope to continue knowing you all of my life!

Letter 27

Dear Man in the Managua/Houston Airport on the way back to the US,




The short conversation we had was pleasant and it was nice to find someone in an airport that I didn't know that still talked to me anyways. Everyone else had that look to them that if I talked to them that they would kill me. So thank you for being so kind. It really was a day brightener and it was a nice way to end my missions trip in Nicaragua.

Letter 26

Dear Pinky Promise,

It is actually surprising to me how recent it was that I made a pinky promise to someone. I thought it was just for little kids but you use them all the time. Well, I can tell you that I still have kept my promise. I mean it was to hang out so it was easy to keep. I am glad that we are friends and I hope in the future that it holds many more years of our friendship in it.

Letter 25

Dear ______,

The worst of times may be among you but they will always end. There is always that next step, that next turn, the light at the end of the tunnel. There will always be something good waiting for you. It may not happen right away. It may not even be some time soon or it may even seem like there is no possible way that there will ever be another good day but there is.

Don't let your mind settle into the slump of depression and deception. They are dangerous waters to wade into and very hard to get out of. God is there in times of good and of bad. If you need someone to lean on when you think no one else is there, God is great for that.

I know that it sounds absolutely impossible and that there is no way that it will ever end but remember that life is worth it. There are people out there that love you and there are reasons to live. Just keep reminding yourself that.

The Letter Challenge (Two Years In The Making)

These are the last six letters I have still yet to do from the 30 day challenge I started almost two years ago. I can't believe that I have had this blog for that long. I apologize to my non-existent readers for never finishing this.




letter 25 the person you know that is going through the worst of times
letter 26 the last person you made a pinky promise to
letter 27 the friendliest person you knew for only one day
letter 28 someone that changed your life
letter 29 the person that you want to tell everything to, but too afraid to
letter 30 your reflection in the mirror.

This Life Is Crazy.

It all started tonight around 8:30 p.m. that my great day all came crumbling down. I always knew that the smallest things can change a day completely but never did I think that the small things could come in a chain. My sister called me, she was frantic and after the day she has had no wonder. Her boyfriend was thinking about breaking up with her, so he was at his relative's house "thinking it over" on the very same day that she had a miscarriage and got yelled at all day by my father. So, she was in tears. She asked me to come home. Even though I was out with friends I felt it was necessary that I come home, only to find that I am not needed anymore. The boyfriend made his way back over to our house and they made up (for now). While I sat around  after coming home and having nothing to do, my mother tells me that my dad had a conniption fit tonight. He went around yelling, screaming, making threats, and slamming doors. My mother then also tells me that my father told her he has contemplated suicide. Never have I had a shock go through my body like that when I heard my mother say those words. I could not believe it and it was all about how much money he has been giving my sister. He feels like he is getting none of it. My mom then also discloses the fact that before my sister and I, he was going to attempt suicide because he was having a hard time finding work and such. So knowing that he has a previous history worries me even more. I told my sister when her and her boyfriend came upstairs to be extra thankful and careful. I then decided to write my father a letter about all the unsaid thanks and gratitude I have for him because now more than ever, he needs it. I closed in a verse from Joshua.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
- Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

He isn't a religious person (at least anymore) so it should be interesting how he takes it.

If there is anybody reading this and you are a follower of Jesus Christ, please pray for this family. We need it and it is all that I ask.

Police

What doesn't make sense to me is cops. I know they are there to "protect and serve". Yet every time I have an encounter with them, it makes me respect them a lot less. I got stopped tonight for going 39 in a 30 mph, which I was unaware of. I know I should have, but I was distracted. Anyways, he stops me and I ask him before they go back if I would get a ticket, and they said most likely not if everything checked out. That makes sense. Then he comes back and gives me a ticket, telling me that the more tickets I get, the more likely it is that I won't proceed to do it in the future. Well, I am going to tell you now that every ticket I have gotten in the past hasn't stopped me from being an unobservant and forgetful person. I don't know why one more would change that and I feel like the rest of my life will be riddled with tickets all because of my personality that I can't change. Sure, there are plenty of good things that they do. Its just never me on the right end of the stick. I am fed up with paying legal fees. Nothing like trying to do the impossible to appease the beast we call the law.