The Art of Happiness - Gratitude

So I watched this video on YouTube today that got me thinking. It is a video by the fantastic channel, SoulPancake, about happiness. Yes, it is that simple. Happiness. You can watch it below.



The idea of gratefulness is not something that I act upon often but watching this video not only made me want to tell one person how I am grateful for them but every single person that I am grateful for. There are plenty of people, some that I call friends and some that I call family, that have blessed my life and have been there for me in some of my toughest times. As well as my God, who is all loving and forever forgiving, who has given me a life and a purpose. I often forget and take for granted how much each has affected me in such a tremendous way. I plan on doing what the video suggests but for more than one person. My plan is to write a paragraph for every friend/family member that has touched my life and has blessed me. To get things started off though, I will start with a blanket letter to cover everyone who has affected me.

Dear _____,

I am sincerely grateful for the time we spent together through my life. We may no longer be close as we once were but I look back at memories and I am glad that you were a part of my life. There was a reason you were there and there is plenty of time left for us to reconnect (hopefully). Whether you listened to me at key moments of my life and helped me get through some tough situations, included me in yours or both, I am who I am today because you were there when I needed you most. I hope that life is treating you well and that you have the support that everyone deserves. If you are reading this and you don't, I am there for you.

Thanks for everything and God Bless,
- Cody

Anything Could Happen

It is winter break, the grade reports have been released, and I am home. This break could have not been more necessary than turkey on Thanksgiving. It needed to happen and I am glad that it did. The semester of non-stop working (whether in the Art Building or in Admissions) had worn me down to a small nub of a person. I had no social life, no will to continue on with school work, and definitely a lack of patience the closer it got to the end of the semester. On top of that I got mostly B's this semester and that did not help my GPA at all. I realize that there was more I could have done for a couple of my classes that would have gave them the grade boost I needed but at the time I decided against doing what I know I should have done for sleep and a social life. For instance in Theatre History 1, I could have easily read the plays that we were supposed to and got better grades on the quizzes for them. I also could have perhaps worked more on my final paper and presentation for Theatre History 1, that definitely wouldn't have been a bad idea. For Intro to Computer Graphics I could have thought more about the tape I was using for the final presentation and gotten a much better grade than I did. As for Painting I, I would be surprised if more than two people got an A in that class. I worked so hard for that class until I just could not stand seeing the paintings anymore. Regardless of my final grades, I learned so much this semester and probably have received some of the best education that I could possibly imagine from Sterling College. Also, I remind myself that there is always next semester. Hopefully, next semester will be easier as well, that wouldn't hurt my feelings.
This was a semester filled with fun, friends, and soul searching. The fun more so towards the beginning of the semester, friends making a tighter bond at the end of the semester, and soul searching throughout. For the better part of the semester, when I had no social life really, there was a lot of life questions running through my head mostly about the friends I had made at Sterling and how none of them had really cared about me and through God's grace I found that more people than I thought truly did care about me. I finally found friends who will text me occasionally just to see how things are doing and to hang out. The sensation is overwhelming to say the least. Something I have searched for practically my whole life is finally panning out before my eyes. It is great to finally know that I have friends that I can turn to about pretty much anything going on in my life. This is where I end by saying that anything could happen in my life right now and it looks to me that it is going to be a bright future someday.

The Question of Friendship.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what constitutes a best friend. I have never felt like I have had one since I was a kid and back then the meaning of a best friend was different. A best friend from childhood typically lives in the same neighborhood and plays games with you. They don't necessarily have any attachment to you or you to them, just another kid to play with that you see the most. In middle school, my childhood best friend moved away and we went down completely different tracks in life and I could never find a replacement or someone that I thought was treating me like their best friend. I mean, sure, I had friends that I spent a lot of time with and we have lots of fun but most of those friends are girls and it is a lot different to have another guy to talk to then a bunch of girls. Since college has started I met a lot of great guys that I could see being my best friend but it seems we will only ever be just friends. In this sense it seems like I am searching for a relationship and just like I can't find that one girl I want to date, I can't seem to find that guy to call my best friend. Maybe I am looking in all the wrong places or maybe I am overlooking someone who considers me their best friend. It just seems like I try so hard and I give 100% to all my friends in some sort of hope to have that connection with that one person. A person I can tell everything to and they can tell me everything to. But really what am I looking for in a best friend... someone who texts me, invites me to events, is interested in my life, loves the same things, or even just simply wants to hang out? How about all of the above...

People never text me, granted I never really text people either and it is a little one-sided of me to expect them to text me and I never text them but if they text me often, I will know to text them more than never.

It always seems for events and that sort of matter I am usually never thought of and hear about all the fun things that people did without me the next day. The days that I am remembered, it is more along the lines of, "Ohhhhhhh yeahhhhh you can come to..... I guess." It almost seems as though I am the pity invite of groups everywhere. Last year I got to a point where there was a group but they have seemingly gone without me for awhile now.

For interested in my life,  I mean I have plenty of friends who know the basic stuff about me and not much more. I want that one friend who wants to know everything about me and wants to share that bond of knowledge. I don't think there has been one friend in my life that knows more about me than anyone else. On the same sort of note, if we had a lot in common that would only add to the friendship. I have never been able to share all of my interests with one person and have something major in common.

The final part is hanging out. Not just some of the times that they hang out with people will they choose me. I want to be someone's number one choice. Right now it seems I am no one's choice but am simply an addition to who they really want to hang out with.

The weirdest thing about compiling all of this and writing it out made me realize this is also what I expect of a girlfriend, certain things excluded of course. Maybe I have too high of expectations. I just hope that I find someone (of the male gender) to call my best friend (already have the girls covered well over). I also wouldn't mind a girlfriend....

This Life Is Crazy.

It all started tonight around 8:30 p.m. that my great day all came crumbling down. I always knew that the smallest things can change a day completely but never did I think that the small things could come in a chain. My sister called me, she was frantic and after the day she has had no wonder. Her boyfriend was thinking about breaking up with her, so he was at his relative's house "thinking it over" on the very same day that she had a miscarriage and got yelled at all day by my father. So, she was in tears. She asked me to come home. Even though I was out with friends I felt it was necessary that I come home, only to find that I am not needed anymore. The boyfriend made his way back over to our house and they made up (for now). While I sat around  after coming home and having nothing to do, my mother tells me that my dad had a conniption fit tonight. He went around yelling, screaming, making threats, and slamming doors. My mother then also tells me that my father told her he has contemplated suicide. Never have I had a shock go through my body like that when I heard my mother say those words. I could not believe it and it was all about how much money he has been giving my sister. He feels like he is getting none of it. My mom then also discloses the fact that before my sister and I, he was going to attempt suicide because he was having a hard time finding work and such. So knowing that he has a previous history worries me even more. I told my sister when her and her boyfriend came upstairs to be extra thankful and careful. I then decided to write my father a letter about all the unsaid thanks and gratitude I have for him because now more than ever, he needs it. I closed in a verse from Joshua.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
- Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

He isn't a religious person (at least anymore) so it should be interesting how he takes it.

If there is anybody reading this and you are a follower of Jesus Christ, please pray for this family. We need it and it is all that I ask.

Homecoming Week

This week is pivotal in college life. Everything revolves around the activities and games that will happen this short week. So far it sounds fun. As to college life in general though, it is releasing. I have felt the most freedom ever in my life. Yet I have also felt the biggest fear in my life. Dealing with problems without my parents nagging at me to fix them. It is a hard struggle to deal with. Should I play games or do my homework? It is a typical question I ask myself on a daily basis. It is nice though to be able to stay up however long I like and make my own decisions on even the minute details.

Traumatic Experiences

I keep telling all my friends about the night that it stormed till most of Wichita was flooded, June 9th, but I don't think any of them grasped how freaked I was about it.

Recollection of that day:

I go over to Bre's house and its a normal day. Really hot and not looking like there was a drop of water in sight even though my mother warned me that it would rain that night and to be prepared. All I thought it would do was shower. So Bre and I are sitting around her house watching Brig-ham play 007 Private Eye on Nintendo 64. After awhile we got bored and we moved downstairs to play Spyro on her PS3. She got bored watching me play so we started figuring out what we were going to do till 10 that night, as it was only 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I decide that we should kidnap Jessica and go to the mall. We do and as we are in JC Penny's going down the escalator (where I cut my leg) we hear an associate tell a fellow employee that the tornado sirens are going off. All of us were like "Its whatever we live in Kansas!" but the associate said that we could either leave now as the mall was shutting down or we could stay in the women's dressing room till the sirens turn off. Before we could make a decision they said we HAD to stay and shoved us into the dressing room. Everything was chill and we had a nice conversation whilst in there for approx. 30 mins. Since it was around 7 by the time this was all done and they were shoving us out of the mall we were hungry so we decided to go to McDonald's to grab a bite to eat. Right after we got our food the sirens go off again and the manager there says we have to go to the basement NOW. I was surprised to find that a McDonald's has a basement. The manager noted that this McDonald's was one of few in the state to have one. Nothing major happened and the sirens turned off around 8. We were done with our food and had even began watching Bo Burnham off of Netflix when we got told we could leave. The first thing I do is look outside and the street is flooded but West Street is known for bad drainage so I didn't think to much of it. So we leave and I head to drop Bre off at her house and the roads aren't that bad. I just had to stay towards the middle and be super cautious whilst it was dark, raining hard and flashing super bright lightning into my eyes. I drop Bre off and everything is dandy. The rain lightened and the roads weren't getting worse by much. But as I continued down 31st I discovered that the drainage is even worse there then on West Street. I couldn't see the bottom of the road or any of the lines. I saw cars pushing through just fine so I thought my little car would be fine as well. I was wrong. About hundred feet from the intersection I needed to turn right on to take Jessica home (which wasn't flooded), my car stalled. Just my luck! I open my door just a crack to assess the situation I was in and the water came up to the bottom of my door. That freaked me out! I shut the door quickly, called my parents to figure out what to do (and boy was that stressful!). I told Jessica that we wouldn't be able to open the doors but had to push my car to get it out of the water. So, in the pouring rain, we roll down my windows, crawl out of my car NASCAR style and start pushing in knee high water. It was windy, cold and dark. We were not wearing enough clothes to keep us warm at ALL. We finally got my car to the corner, with some strangers help, where its still in water about ankle deep but enough (I thought) to get it where it would start again. The engine never could turn so we get out of my car, cold and shivering, to try and move it to higher ground in a parking lot right around the corner. It took us awhile but it finally happened with some more help from random strangers. While waiting for my car to function we get a call from Bre. Jessica's mom texted her three times and even called Bre because Jessica wasn't home yet (Jessica's phone was dead). I try my car one more time and the engine catches while I pumped the gas to get it going. My car was back in business but my windows were all fogged up so we had to wait another 20 mins or so for that to clear mostly up. We finally get out onto the road and start driving in the HORRIBLE weather again. I can barely see the road in front of me but magically we make it to Jessica's house. I then book it home and still make it before 10:30 (the time my parents wanted me home) Lets just say I am glad I am alive and that this probably doesn't express how traumatic it actually was but only a small portion.