Anything Could Happen

It is winter break, the grade reports have been released, and I am home. This break could have not been more necessary than turkey on Thanksgiving. It needed to happen and I am glad that it did. The semester of non-stop working (whether in the Art Building or in Admissions) had worn me down to a small nub of a person. I had no social life, no will to continue on with school work, and definitely a lack of patience the closer it got to the end of the semester. On top of that I got mostly B's this semester and that did not help my GPA at all. I realize that there was more I could have done for a couple of my classes that would have gave them the grade boost I needed but at the time I decided against doing what I know I should have done for sleep and a social life. For instance in Theatre History 1, I could have easily read the plays that we were supposed to and got better grades on the quizzes for them. I also could have perhaps worked more on my final paper and presentation for Theatre History 1, that definitely wouldn't have been a bad idea. For Intro to Computer Graphics I could have thought more about the tape I was using for the final presentation and gotten a much better grade than I did. As for Painting I, I would be surprised if more than two people got an A in that class. I worked so hard for that class until I just could not stand seeing the paintings anymore. Regardless of my final grades, I learned so much this semester and probably have received some of the best education that I could possibly imagine from Sterling College. Also, I remind myself that there is always next semester. Hopefully, next semester will be easier as well, that wouldn't hurt my feelings.
This was a semester filled with fun, friends, and soul searching. The fun more so towards the beginning of the semester, friends making a tighter bond at the end of the semester, and soul searching throughout. For the better part of the semester, when I had no social life really, there was a lot of life questions running through my head mostly about the friends I had made at Sterling and how none of them had really cared about me and through God's grace I found that more people than I thought truly did care about me. I finally found friends who will text me occasionally just to see how things are doing and to hang out. The sensation is overwhelming to say the least. Something I have searched for practically my whole life is finally panning out before my eyes. It is great to finally know that I have friends that I can turn to about pretty much anything going on in my life. This is where I end by saying that anything could happen in my life right now and it looks to me that it is going to be a bright future someday.

The Question of Friendship.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what constitutes a best friend. I have never felt like I have had one since I was a kid and back then the meaning of a best friend was different. A best friend from childhood typically lives in the same neighborhood and plays games with you. They don't necessarily have any attachment to you or you to them, just another kid to play with that you see the most. In middle school, my childhood best friend moved away and we went down completely different tracks in life and I could never find a replacement or someone that I thought was treating me like their best friend. I mean, sure, I had friends that I spent a lot of time with and we have lots of fun but most of those friends are girls and it is a lot different to have another guy to talk to then a bunch of girls. Since college has started I met a lot of great guys that I could see being my best friend but it seems we will only ever be just friends. In this sense it seems like I am searching for a relationship and just like I can't find that one girl I want to date, I can't seem to find that guy to call my best friend. Maybe I am looking in all the wrong places or maybe I am overlooking someone who considers me their best friend. It just seems like I try so hard and I give 100% to all my friends in some sort of hope to have that connection with that one person. A person I can tell everything to and they can tell me everything to. But really what am I looking for in a best friend... someone who texts me, invites me to events, is interested in my life, loves the same things, or even just simply wants to hang out? How about all of the above...

People never text me, granted I never really text people either and it is a little one-sided of me to expect them to text me and I never text them but if they text me often, I will know to text them more than never.

It always seems for events and that sort of matter I am usually never thought of and hear about all the fun things that people did without me the next day. The days that I am remembered, it is more along the lines of, "Ohhhhhhh yeahhhhh you can come to..... I guess." It almost seems as though I am the pity invite of groups everywhere. Last year I got to a point where there was a group but they have seemingly gone without me for awhile now.

For interested in my life,  I mean I have plenty of friends who know the basic stuff about me and not much more. I want that one friend who wants to know everything about me and wants to share that bond of knowledge. I don't think there has been one friend in my life that knows more about me than anyone else. On the same sort of note, if we had a lot in common that would only add to the friendship. I have never been able to share all of my interests with one person and have something major in common.

The final part is hanging out. Not just some of the times that they hang out with people will they choose me. I want to be someone's number one choice. Right now it seems I am no one's choice but am simply an addition to who they really want to hang out with.

The weirdest thing about compiling all of this and writing it out made me realize this is also what I expect of a girlfriend, certain things excluded of course. Maybe I have too high of expectations. I just hope that I find someone (of the male gender) to call my best friend (already have the girls covered well over). I also wouldn't mind a girlfriend....